I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
