I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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