I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
