What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
