the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
