Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You can't special order awesome
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
