You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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