i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize