I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
