Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pants are for mortals
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
