Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
