My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
