Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
