I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
