Buhtt sex?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize