This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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