the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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