You just made me feel so damn special
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Still dying that you shit outside
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Randomize
