Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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