No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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