I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
