Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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