At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize