i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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