The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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