I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
