So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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