The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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