How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
