Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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