obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
