I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
