her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Who died my cat blue again?
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