i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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