I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just googled if crying burns calories
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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