I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
