I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize