she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
