Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
two words: eviction party
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
