I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just want nice things and good sex
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
