i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
