Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
