I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
