I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
