Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize