Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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