ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
