I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
