I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
