Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
