Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
