dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no you cant smoke seaweed
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sext me about skeletons
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
