just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
