if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
