This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
