fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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