So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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