An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
