Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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