I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
