I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
