my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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