Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
