someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
