her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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